As a Dungeon Master, I run my campaign with friends on a weekly basis and tend to have so very... interesting... encounters with the minds of my players.
I'll be doing daily updates on these amazing events that can only be described as the best times of my characters lives.
More fun facts about ancient Celtic marriage laws: There were no laws against interclass or interracial marriage, no laws against open homosexual relationships (although they weren’t considered ‘marriages’ since the definition of a marriage was ‘couple with child’), no requirement for women to take their husband’s names or give up their property, but comedians couldn’t get married
It’s Adam and Eve not Adam Sandler and Eve
I want to expound upon “comedians couldn’t get married” thing because it’s actually really interesting.
Satire was respected in Ancient Ireland. It was thought to have great power, enough to physically maim the subject one was making jokes about. Satirists could bring down kings with a witty enough insult. That was actually their original function. When the king didn’t do right by his people, a bard was supposed to compose a poem so scathing it would raise welts on the king’s skin to oust him (it was illegal for a “blemished” king to rule.) Unwarranted satire was considered a form of assault.
So what it boils down to is ancient Celts being like “These people are too dangerous to reproduce. DO NOT TRUST THEM WITH CHILDREN. EVER.”
Stop. Normalizing. Bath Bombs. they’re training people not to recognize the inherent dangers of magical vortexes
thousands of years of evolutionary instincts gone just like that. you dumbasses are gonna stick your feet in the first glowing portal you stumble across and get kidnapped by the fucking fae
Here are four things that are very, very reassuring to find on land you’ve recently moved to. Definitely good signs.
1. Poorly concealed underground …. thing.
2. Small purple flowers twining around a skull. This species of flower does not seem to be present anywhere else on the property, and you’ve never seen it before. The skull is too large for a rabbit, too small for a deer.
A “Gemerator,” if you will. Since there is already a way to roll randomly for gemstones in the DMG (p. 134), this series of tables is for creating brand new gemstones that might not even exist in nature. These are the gems as you might find them in a dungeon. To determine their worth, I would use the DMG. The appearance of the gem might not affect its overall worth since we are inventing new gems, so just make it worth as many gold pieces as is appropriate for the circumstance. You can also use this with my jewelry generator.
Gem Type
Most precious stones and minerals considered gems come in two varieties, either a stone or a crystal. Roll 1d6 to determine the gem’s type:
1: Stonelike (Matte)
2-3: Stonelike (Glossy)
4: Crystalline (Opaque)
5-6: Crystalline (Translucent)
Gem Size
First roll for the gem’s size. Since this is D&D, the gemstones can afford to be much larger than in reality. Fun thing I never really thought about before making this is that gemstones are a good way for adventurers to carry around gratuitous amounts of wealth in a smaller amount of space. Imagine carrying around a one-centimeter diamond instead of 5000 gold coins in a one-ton chest. Don’t ever dismiss the importance of gemstones.
Gem Shape
Although a gem’s shape does come from its cut, to simplify this series of tables and increase the variety it generates, I’ve separated the gem’s cut and its shape into different tables.
Gem Cut
Most valuable gems found in a dungeon have already been cut unless said dungeon is a natural cave system. To determine how the gem was cut, roll on the table below. Before modern advances, most hard gems were “cut” by abrading two gems together of similar hardness, beveling the natural crystal’s corners into facets. The gem dust from the abrasion was gathered and mixed with water or oil for polishing the gems into their finished form.
Gem Color
Next roll for the gem’s color. I could have just gone with ROYGBIV colors but gems can come in many varying hues. If you roll a 20, the gem has two colors. Roll again, ignoring further values of 20. Then roll on the next table to determine how the two colors interact.
Gem Pattern
Duo-colored gems are common, especially among stones rather than crystals. Think things like banded agate or tigers eye.
And you’re done! You’ve got a brand new gemstone that may or may not exist in nature! Use it for important or unique magic items or when imagining a new mineral for your setting.
When writing D&D adventures, if I’m stuck on how to write what’s in my head I’ll mark that it’s a work in progress so that when I come back to it later I can try to fill in the gaps. It
plot twist: the introverted character who doesn’t like big social gatherings or speaking in front of people is still an introvert by the end of the story because introversion is not a character flaw and it doesn’t need to be overcome
Look, I’ll go on your stupid adventure, but you better leave me the fuck alone when we get back.
Bilbo Baggins.
NOT A GOOD EXAMPLE HE WAS SO INTROVERTED HE USED A CURSED OBJECT TO GET AWAY FROM PEOPLE
